Sunday, February 22, 2009
New Day
I have to change things in my life if I want to stay in control. I don't want to lose one of the people I love the most. I can feel it. I am a jerk. I need to calm down and just be. I'll just make myself miserable if I push the one person that I am close to away. I need to pray hard to Rev. Damien de Veuste. Seriously. He just became a Saint because of the miracles that happened when prayed to him.
Saturday, February 21, 2009
why....
Can't I be a normal? Why do I feel like a fuck up in everything I do? Why do I feel like a complete idiot in every part of my life? WHY????? What did I ever do to deserve to be this way?
I Want... I want....
I'm not much of a blogger. This said, I may forget about this as soon as I write. Lately I've been feeling lonely. It's strange. I am surrounded by friends and family, so I shouldn't be right? Maybe it is the things that I want that make me a recluse and I resent not having them. I don't know. Poor Me. Seems that I change the subject with each sentence. I want more in life. I need to get a move on it. I want to be included in things. I don't want to be left out.
I want to be married. I want someone to want to marry me. Maybe that is all part of the depressed part. I just want to skip over to that and be done. Would it make me happy? Maybe. Maybe not. I don't know. Ugh.
I want to do a lot of things in life. I say that and then I don't do it. I make bad decisions, I learn from them, but it doesn't stop me from doing it again. Oh Lordy me.
I fear that I am going in the downward spiral direction. I had a dark moment last night. I had the most depressed and loneliest feeling inside of me. I finally felt what it was to want to off myself. Oh God I could never, but I felt what I think that people feel when they are at that point. It's heartbreaking to say the least. (Now don't put me on a suicide watch, no need for that) I finally understand.
Well I will bid my Adieu for tonight. Till I feel inspired again, I leave you with this:
“When we truly realize that we are all alone is when we need others the most”: Ronald Anthony
I want to be married. I want someone to want to marry me. Maybe that is all part of the depressed part. I just want to skip over to that and be done. Would it make me happy? Maybe. Maybe not. I don't know. Ugh.
I want to do a lot of things in life. I say that and then I don't do it. I make bad decisions, I learn from them, but it doesn't stop me from doing it again. Oh Lordy me.
I fear that I am going in the downward spiral direction. I had a dark moment last night. I had the most depressed and loneliest feeling inside of me. I finally felt what it was to want to off myself. Oh God I could never, but I felt what I think that people feel when they are at that point. It's heartbreaking to say the least. (Now don't put me on a suicide watch, no need for that) I finally understand.
Well I will bid my Adieu for tonight. Till I feel inspired again, I leave you with this:
“When we truly realize that we are all alone is when we need others the most”: Ronald Anthony
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
